Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Sunday, October 13, 2019

Dear Mr. Sir, REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home....

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In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this message via my direct number 234 (0) 9-234-XXXX only.

Yours Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
XXXX@nasrda.gov.ng

#1 | Posted by J_Tremain at 2019-10-13 09:46 AM | Reply

hahahahahaha.... mofos.....

#2 | Posted by J_Tremain at 2019-10-13 09:46 AM | Reply

Well of course I know better than to fall for the Nigerian prince thing but this poor hero sounds like he really needs help, can you even imagine being stranded in space that long?

I'm also scientifically curious to see what happens to a human body after that long in zero g will his body be instantly squished? Will his bones dissolve, the results must be studied!

Do you have a copy without the contact info blanked out I want to help.

#3 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2019-10-13 10:30 AM | Reply | Funny: 2

Funny!

#4 | Posted by goatman at 2019-10-13 11:04 AM | Reply

I'd help, but it sounds like he is having more fun up there than we are down here.

#5 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-10-14 01:15 AM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Africans explored the entire solar system and beyond when they wuz kangz. For some inexplicable reason, these creators of the hypermodern world couldn't recreate it anywhere within their home continent. I suppose an update on the Nigerian kang email copypasta is kind of an innovation, though.

#6 | Posted by berserkone at 2019-10-14 02:19 AM | Reply

For some inexplicable reason, these creators of the hypermodern world couldn't recreate it anywhere within their home continent.

Never been to Wakanda, have you?

Ask BOAZ... he time-shares a flat in downtown Wakanda, Business District, Nelson Medallion Street.

#7 | Posted by J_Tremain at 2019-10-14 02:30 AM | Reply

In other news:

With none of his emails answered, frustrated Nigerian man commits suicide and leaves $100bn fortune to charity.

#8 | Posted by Rightocenter at 2019-10-14 04:17 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

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