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Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Thursday, September 23, 2021

When our nutrition study came out last month, headlines around the world focused on the finding that eating a single hot dog can take 36 minutes off your life expectancy due to the presence of processed meat and sodium, which increase the risk of ischemic heart disease and diabetes. There was less emphasis on the good news in the study: Eating a serving of peanuts or peanut butter, for example, could add 25 minutes since nuts reduce the risk of ischemic heart disease and diabetes -- and therefore increase the probability of a healthier life.

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I'm only going to say this once - PEANUTS are NOT NUTS!

They cray cray though.

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"...eating a single hot dog can take 36 minutes off your life expectancy due to the presence of processed meat and sodium (...) Eating a serving of peanuts or peanut butter, for example, could add 25 minutes since nuts reduce the risk of ischemic heart disease and diabetes..."

That is why I eat all my hot dogs with peanut butter.

#1 | Posted by NerfHerder at 2021-09-23 01:02 PM | Reply

"That is why I eat all my hot dogs with peanut butter."

Do that, and take 12 minutes to eat it...and by God, you'll live forever!

#2 | Posted by Danforth at 2021-09-23 01:05 PM | Reply | Funny: 2

Why are there 10 hot dogs in a package, but only 8 hot dog buns in a package?


#3 | Posted by LampLighter at 2021-09-23 01:40 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

"Why are there 10 hot dogs in a package, but only 8 hot dog buns in a package?"

You're expected to use 2 for beans and weenies.

#4 | Posted by Danforth at 2021-09-23 01:41 PM | Reply

#3 - it's a conspiracy by the Rosicrucians who own the rights to all hot dog bun manufacturing and packaging..

To be fair, two pounds of hamburger make 8 quarter pound patties. Of course the Rosicrucians do not control that segment of the holiday cookout foodstuff industry, so the meat to bun ratio is the logical 1:1.

#5 | Posted by jakester at 2021-09-23 01:46 PM | Reply

According this article, I died on July 4, 2012.

#6 | Posted by jakester at 2021-09-23 01:47 PM | Reply

"Why are there 10 hot dogs in a package, but only 8 hot dog buns in a package?"

What are these things you refer to as a "hot dog buns" ?

A fork is all I need. Even better-- a very sharp knife-- or eat 'em like a hobo from the end of a pointed stick. More manly than a girly "hot dog bun". Plus for the price of 2 packages of hot dog buns you could buy another package of hot dogs

#7 | Posted by NerfHerder at 2021-09-23 01:58 PM | Reply

#7 - "eat 'em like a hobo from the end of a pointed stick. "

I tried that, but the onions and sauerkraut kept falling off.

#8 | Posted by jakester at 2021-09-23 02:01 PM | Reply

Nathan's comes in packages of 8. The buns come in packages of 8. Maybe don't shop at a place named "Piggy Wiggly", mmkay?

#9 | Posted by LegallyYourDead at 2021-09-23 02:58 PM | Reply

Maybe, but it's a crappy "I'm about to die" half-hour so who cares.

#10 | Posted by qcp at 2021-09-23 03:00 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

#10 Perfect time for a hot dog.

#11 | Posted by snoofy at 2021-09-23 03:35 PM | Reply

Dog it up, chow hounds. Life is for the living, for tomorrow we die. Covered in mustard and relish.

#12 | Posted by LegallyYourDead at 2021-09-23 05:04 PM | Reply

#4 Best answer.

#13 | Posted by bored at 2021-09-23 11:50 PM | Reply

But it's the last 30 minutes...the wheelchair bound, crapping your depends, sucking on oxygen, not remembering where or who you are minutes.

Good trade.

#14 | Posted by Nixon at 2021-09-24 07:13 AM | Reply

Covered in mustard and relish.

I love hotdog relish.

Not that green crap.

The yellow hotdog relish.

I haven't seen that on shelves in a long time.

#15 | Posted by Nixon at 2021-09-24 07:14 AM | Reply

#15 - you can probably get it online. Or make it. It's very similar to something my grandmother used to can that she called chow chow.

Here's a recipe for hot dog relish. It's probably better than store bought anyway.

www.allrecipes.com

#16 | Posted by jakester at 2021-09-24 07:19 AM | Reply

One of the best threads I've ever read, I laughed out loud more than once on this thread. Well done folks!

#17 | Posted by danni at 2021-09-24 03:11 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

Joey Chestnut should be dead by now.

#18 | Posted by willowby at 2021-09-24 10:31 PM | Reply

Yes. Improve your aim.

#19 | Posted by LegallyYourDead at 2021-09-24 11:33 PM | Reply

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