"Clifton Williams, 64, was arrested on assault charges Sunday after he accused his roommate of eating their last Hot Pocket and attacked him, shooting him in the buttocks, Louisville Metro Police Department officials told WLKY-TV. According to police, Williams started throwing tiles at the man after he realized the last microwaveable turnover was gone. He then shot him in the buttocks as he tried to escape, the TV station reported."

It's bad enough that this story is about a shooting over a Hot Pocket (which is about as American as a story can get these days), but even sadder is that this is about a 64 year old man getting upset enough about a Hot Pocket to shoot someone.