My toaster didn't work this morning. As a result I had to cook my pop tart on an upturned Rowenta steam iron. As a result of that, there are now streaks of frosted strawberry all over the front of my manager-approved workshirt, which is a torn hipster flannel anyway. I might end up having to drive over to Goodwill and purchase a replacement, which will inevitably result in talking with and hooking up with a 47 year-old frustrated housewife with hoarding issues. Stupid Cloudflare.