Texas House Speaker Duston Burrows revealed that Republicans had tasked the state Department of Public Safety to create a tip line " (866) 786-5972 -- incidentally the same number as the Texas Department of Criminal Justice's Fusion Center -- hoping that average citizens would help them hunt down Democratic legislators. "Many have submitted tips about the whereabouts of absent members," Burrows droned. "For example, over the weekend, we received word of a rally in Fort Worth where a couple of absent members were allegedly making an appearance. We took this as actionable intelligence, and DPS was dispatched immediately. "Although in this instance, members did not end up being physically present at the event, we will keep following every credible lead until these members return," Burrows whined.
Samaritans nationwide should call the toll-free number (866) 786-5972 hourly to report Democrats being sighted in Hawaii, Alaska, Florida, Vermont, Mexico, Wash DC etc etc. Calls about UFO or Sasquatch sightings would be exceptionally helpful in this incredible crisis for the posse-organizing manhunters of the legendary Texas Rangers. "Hi-ho, Silver! Away!'
