FORT BRAGG, N.C. " Today's ideologically driven mass shooting has been canceled because of the government shutdown, base officials and furloughed extremists confirmed Thursday. "The plans for this indiscriminate violence had been in the works long before the current fiscal year," said SPC Jefferson Dale Earnhardt Davis, a fringe internet conspiracy theorist of some variety. "But with furloughs and closed facilities, it's clear this isn't an exempted activity." On 1 Oct the government entered a shutdown due to a lapse in appropriations. Which means that many operations have been curtailed: training exercises, permanent change of station moves, morale activities, barracks mold remediation, rooting out DEI supporters, free government sex changes, abortion parties, white supremacist meetings at the base library, healthcare coverage, and mass shootings have all been cancelled due to the anti-deficiency act.
