Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Tuesday, November 18, 2025

Dismissing the swashbuckling sci-fi romp as "a total hoax" amid growing scrutiny over his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, President Donald Trump made remarks Tuesday denying that he had written a 36-volume comic titled Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles. Obtained last month by the House committee investigating the late financier and child sex trafficker, the Time Pedophiles saga depicts Trump and Epstein journeying through various historical eras aboard Epstein's Chronolita Express time machine, taking on Edo-period samurai, ancient Roman legionaries, and Wild West gunslingers in their never-ending quest for underage sexual partners.

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"Epstein was no friend of mine, and I never drew us becoming knights and competing at a joust for the virginity of a 13-year-old Eleanor of Aquitaine," Trump said when asked about Time Pedophiles by a reporter, suggesting that someone else could have written, inked, and lettered the series before falsely signing his name. "Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't draw myself in a covered wagon picking up minors on the Oregon Trail, nor would I write a story arc about going back into prehistory, long before humans invented the age of consent, to hit on Cro-Magnon girls. Sorry to disappoint, but the fact is, I don't draw cavemen."

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What a talent.

In a nationwide poll conducted by Pew Research Center, 84% of respondents called the comic unpresidential and said they were disturbed by the Time Pedophiles traveling back to ancient Egypt in the "Groom Like An Egyptian" storyline and getting two breastlike pyramids constructed in their honor for molesting 14-year-old Cleopatra. In addition, 77% were appalled by the Time Pedophiles rescuing Joan of Arc from being burnt at the stake only to heave her back into the blaze upon learning she was 19.

Similarly, 89% of those polled said they disapproved of the chapter where Don deliberately lands the Chronolita Express in the Miss Teen Mesopotamia changing room, and 68% said that Trump should immediately resign if he did indeed pen the issue in which an incident at a 19th-century girl's boarding school leads to Don unwittingly becoming Jeff's great-grandfather.

#1 | Posted by Doc_Sarvis at 2025-11-18 05:56 AM | Reply

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