My standards are so low at this point that I will vote for a presidential candidate who promises not to endlessly ------- whine about everything

"My gas and groceries are up 40%, my health insurance is up 50%, and the president is covering up an elite pedophilia ring. But at least there won't be trans athletes competing in a 2028 Olympic sport that I won't be watching."

-My Trump-loving 32 year-old son's text a couple days ago.

Chaplain Hegseth will tell you about how the free world will conquer Muslims with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a ------ for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls!

Republicans, remember: You asked for this. Given the choice between a dozen solid conservatives and one Clinton-supporting con-artist and game-show host, you chose the con-artist. You chose him freely. Nobody made you do it.

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

-H.L. Mencken