"Lincoln? Moron. He abolished free labor. Thank you for your attention to this matter."

-President Donald J. Trump

#17

So much for best and brightest. We're being robbed.

#8

Yeah, no ----...derr... we've had lots of POTUS that were toxic.

He can white wash whatever he wants, but he still has the stink all over him like after tangling with Pepe Le Pew.

That just screams Stable Genius. Maybe the world will do something about Trump since they don't fundraise off him.

Start killing their goats. They'll stop.

Bribe isn't big enough yet.

It's a chatbot caught in a Python loop.

The at-will workers chanting "Protect the shareholders equity!" are particularly moving.

Trump's base when he was elected was 36%. He's lost 7% of those that hired him. That takes effort. Trump'll predictably say this is a fake-news conspiracy. You almost have to pity his level of delusion. Trump's like a skunk at a garden party. The ones that like him are enjoying the spectacle of others trying to get as far away from him as fast as they can.

Please clap.

Trump promised absolute transparency. Here he is hiding American military casualties in Iran like a kid trying to sweep a broken lamp under the rug, all while boasting about how smoothly things are going. Leave it to Trump to lie and to the men and women in uniform like line items on a bad PR report. His demented denial of reality won't allow him to tell the public about the body bags. In Trump's twice baked brain it's like nobody ever got hurt at all.

There are no election board insiders on this site. For all we know every election has been fraudulent.

The corpse of Mitch McConnell shows that someone doesn't even have to be alive for public service.

Ah, official Trumpian doublespeak. A federal watchdog finds that state officials locked immigrants in metal cages in the Everglades, and the bureaucrats deadpan that they aren't disciplinary cells"no, they're 'calming areas'. Why, it's just a cozy little outdoor wellness retreat where folks can sit in an eighteen-square-foot metal box in ninety-degree swamp humidity to decompress. Leave it to Republicans to stick human beings in phone-booth-sized dog crates and try to pass it off as a spa treatment.

OneLumperorTwo has another great comeback option.

Come out as gay and call all the people criticizing him homophobic.

Climb Every Woman

They can't tell us about it, but it will be a deterrence for sure! Sounds like another line of Reagan's "Star Wars" initiative to ward off the enemies Trump has made. Watch, the MIC will need more taxpayer largess.

Trump has delivered us from modern progress. Here we are in the twenty-first century, boasting about space tourism and artificial intelligence, while folks are dying of the measles, a disease we successfully wiped out back when hairspray was still destroying the ozone layer. Leave it to us Americans to take a miracle of 20th-century medical science, label it a political conspiracy, and willingly return to the Middle Ages just to own the libs.

Nothing says 'family values and patriotism' quite like letting a Kremlin-backed billionaire foot the bill for your boy's wedding.

They are losing money at an unbelievable rate, and going Public would expose their books.

S'truth

So, Silicon Valley has suddenly developed a conscience. These tech titans build a machine so mind-bogglingly advanced it terrifies even them, and their grand, heroic solution is to look us dead in the eye and say, 'Our tech is so terrifyingly great that you'd better pass us another ten billion dollars so we can figure out how to tone it down.' It's the highest-paid protection racket in human history. Pay us today so we can fix the doomsday machine we built yesterday, or we won't be able to have an IPO so that we...er, we mean we all, won't be able to justify raking in trillions from the greedy money laundering suckers...er, donors.

Today, with religious hate in their hearts, with pure anti American murderous bigotry on their lips, 25 years from a day we thought would make us stronger 'united as one,' ... the Trump MAGA Right seems to be asking for a continuation of the violence. We traded our civil liberties for a false sense of security, and somehow managed to end up more paranoid, divided, and thoroughly cranky than ever before. If that ain't the grand American tradition in action and cooperation, I don't know what is.

You've got to hand it to our grand ol' party lawmakers. They claimed these abortion bans wouldn't hurt women with ectopic pregnancies, and now ectopic deaths have nearly doubled, especially in the very states where they passed them. That isn't an unintended consequence. That's just good old-fashioned GOP efficiency. Leave it to a bunch of grandstanding Republican politicians to turn a standard, routine medical procedure into a game of Russian roulette, leaving terrified doctors to consult a defense attorney before saving a dying woman's life. All the stuff they taught me about Jesus says he'd be against this. No wonder he has given up on coming back.

If we are now expected to swallow the tale of Donald Trump being hoisted into the air and carted away from Ground Zero by two weeping, muscular firefighters, we have officially slipped off plumb. Dear Leader was sitting four miles away in his fake-gold plated tower, practically needing a telescope to see lower Manhattan, busy bragging on television about how his eyesore was now the tallest building around. Then he has the unmitigated gall to whine that a real, genuine hero who actually died saving eighteen people, the Man in the Red Bandana, is getting more attention than him. Calling Donald Trump's ego fragile is like calling a dwarf short. The man has a lizard brain stem connected directly to a megaphone, and he simply cannot stand anyone else getting a parade, even if they had to die to get it.