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Dear Mr. President:

Sir, I am so sick of watching the overrated, low-rated Saturday Night Live on the failing NBC network ridicule you week in and week out. It's sick and un-American to the point that it makes me cry. Sir, I am a tough guy, tall, over six feet, but I literally have tears in my eyes thinking about this, sir.

Sir, did you know that S.N.L. is run by an immigrant? What if you used your presidential power and the word "hereby" to deport this nasty man back to our enemy Canada? Sir, sir, thank you, sir.

Yours, An actual (American-born!) U.S. citizen