WASHINGTON: Donald J. Trump's long-wished-for military parade was abruptly canceled on Saturday after it emerged that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth had inadvertently invited the Houthi rebels.

Though Hegseth defiantly told reporters, "I did not text parade plans," a mass invite from his Signal account was sent to the Houthis, Iran's Supreme Leader, and The Atlantic's Jeffrey Goldberg.

In an official statement, the Houthis said they were "saddened" to lose the chance to show off their military hardware, adding, "We already packed our drones."

(The Borowitz Report)

#6

This is not true Hoffman voted against it.

A pushy and loudmouthed US Senator? That's practically the job description. It's one of the requirements.

BREAKING: Dana Bash: Trump told her, the Iranian hardliners in the talks are now dead.

Bash: "Meaning Israel got them?"

Trump: "Well they didn't die of covid."

Alright, that's ------ funny

I don't care what happens to Israel.

I do. The last thing this country needs is thousands of Israeli refugees. Israel was created for a reason. To give the Jews somewhere to go.

Padilla identified himself before he was forcibly removed.

"The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command."
George Orwell, 1984.

Not even the brown senators are getting a break.

Yeah, the "anonymous officials" are Pete Kegbreath's landscaper and his Saucy delivery driver.

Before any of you dumb fickers compare this woman to Ashli Babbitt, this woman wasn't told over and over to back off.

Also reportedly ordering all nonessential personnel to leave Baghdad.

Not looking great.

Now he can compose Teenage Symphonies to God directly to the source.

The next few years is going to be like the killing fields for my childhood.

Flogging the hamster

69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...to distract from his horrible bill he's trying to force through Congress.

This all started when Musk said Trump is on Epstein's files. No one has refuted it. The FBI director said on Rogan that he doesn't want anything to do with it. That says it all.

I can translate.

Colky mean nose rike olange chicken mean it was fal up Tlump butthore. Rike blown nose onry olange. Rike olange chicken taco! Dat what Tlump butt clack is rike!

WASHINGTON: In what critics are calling an inflammatory move, Donald J. Trump announced on Tuesday that he was sending Stephen Miller to Los Angeles to act as a human repellant.

"No one empties a room faster than Stephen," Trump said. "He's better than teargas."

But Trump's plan faces a stiff legal challenge from human rights lawyers, who argue that the use of Stephen Miller violates the Geneva Conventions.

(The Borowitz Report)

WASHINGTON: After slipping on the steps of Air Force One yet another time, on Monday Donald J. Trump ordered the National Guard to carry him up to his plane.

In an executive order declaring a national emergency, Trump pronounced the metal stairs "An Enemy of the People."

Trump refused to rule out a sweeping ban on stairs, telling reporters, "We're looking into that very strongly."

A guardsman who helped carry Trump was taken aback by his poor physical condition, remarking, "I guess he was in better shape when he boarded Epstein's plane."

(The Borowitz Report)

They wouldn't stage this show in Houston because the city would explode, and it would be eggs all over Abbott, Patrick, and Paxton's faces.

Mexican flags being waved, that's definitely an invasion.

You hide in a bunker on St Patrick's Day?

Pentagon to deploy 700 Marines to Los Angeles, official says

Update: this will in fact be the full battalion, so it will actually be over 700 Marines deploying, source tells us.

The Pentagon is mobilizing 500 active-duty Marines to help reinforce the National Guard in response to protests in Los Angeles, a person familiar with the matter said.

A Defense Department official said the Marines based at the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center in Twentynine Palms, California were being mobilized. It's not clear when they would actually deploy to Los Angeles. CNN reported the mobilization earlier Monday.

The BedBug Golf Motel

If Trump was genuine, then he'd would've started his raids in a Red state like Texas, a place with far more -------. Instead, he's using big government federal powers to enact personal vendettas. That's what happens when a Brooklyn mob boss worshpper gets elected to Chief Administative Officer of the United States Government.

All About Donald Trump's Political Idol, Meade Esposito. A cigar-chomping, baseball-bat-swinging, mobbed-up Brooklyn boss

Normal American politicians can be expected to say they admire Lincoln, or F.D.R., or Reagan. Not Donald Trump. "Meade ruled with an iron fist," he said admiringly of Amadeo Henry Esposito, who ran the Brooklyn Democratic Party for 15 years, from 1969 to 1984.

Trump says he hates war but doesn't have a problem invading Los Angeles.