WASHINGTON: Donald J. Trump's sweeping travel ban has proven totally unnecessary as the rest of the world has shown no interest in visiting what it deems to be a -------- country, travel experts confirmed on Thursday.

"When people plan vacations, they usually avoid countries with soaring prices, random arrests on the street, and measles outbreaks," Harland Dorrinson, an international travel expert said.

Additionally, he said, "Travel-wise, people prefer destinations where food undergoes rigorous inspections and planes don't fall out of the sky."

Noting that travel to the US had plummeted since Trump became president, he added, "At this point North Koreans are staying away."

(The Borowitz Report)

MTG reminds me of James Comey around here, you just never know when she's in or out of fashion.

Bush ushered in the NSA and the DHS. This is another example of GOP overreach and oppression. The GOP hasn't met a expensive government boondoggle it doesn't like. Nixon dirty tricks on steroids.

BREAKING: Marjorie Taylor Greene just admitted that she did NOT read the entire Big Beautiful Bill before voting for it and now she regrets her vote.

Here's an idea. If you are voting on something without understanding it, please resign immediately.

A big reason why they are heading el norte.

Ain't that just like a government departmental program?

Turns out Sarah Palin was right about government "death panels". She just referred to the wrong party.

69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention the rococo

His insipid rambling and inattention to detail is alarming.

I said as far back as 2020 that Biden wasn't up to the job. I said it was elder abuse.

Trump isn't up for the job. It's elder abuse.

A politician/lawyer sayng "No" to $$$? Citizen's United just made it legal.

Musk and Karp and Yarvin. The thread that runs through all three is Peter Theil. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

"If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell"

-Gen. Sheridan

Texas is a laboratory for bad legislation

Why'd I not know of the powerful Court of International Trade until now?

Looks like someone gave STD a Red Bull. He hasn't been this aroused since The Dukes of Hazard was new.

If I ever met you in person I'd ---- you up. Just know that.
#5 | POSTED BY BELLRINGER

Ha! "Hall of Fame level troll" being trolled. That's rich.

If someone can talk, they can breathe.

QUEENS, NEW YORK: In what has become a Memorial Day tradition for him, on Monday Donald J. Trump laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Podiatrist.

Trump made his annual pilgrimage to pay homage to the heroic doctors who issued bogus diagnoses to ensure that their privileged patients never answered the call of duty.

In an emotional tribute, Trump thanked the fallen foot specialists who bravely risked their medical licenses so that others facing military service could be free.

Choking back tears, he said, "They gave everything so people like me could give nothing."

(The Borowitz Report)

All because Harvard didn't admit Baron.

Ronald Reagan claimed that the Russian language had no word for "freedom." (The word is "svoboda"; it's quite well attested in Russian literature.) Ronald Reagan said that intercontinental ballistic missiles (not that there are any non-ballistic missiles"a corruption of language that isn't his fault) could be recalled once launched. Ronald Reagan said that he sought a "Star Wars" defense only in order to share the technology with the tyrants of the U.S.S.R. Ronald Reagan professed to be annoyed when people called it "Star Wars," even though he had ended his speech on the subject with the lame quip, "May the force be with you." Ronald Reagan used to alarm his Soviet counterparts by saying that surely they'd both unite against an invasion from Mars. Ronald Reagan used to alarm other constituencies by speaking freely about the "End Times" foreshadowed in the Bible. In the Oval Office, Ronald Reagan told Yitzhak Shamir and Simon Wiesenthal, on two separate occasions, that he himself had assisted personally at the liberation of the Nazi death camps.

There was more to Ronald Reagan than that. Reagan announced that apartheid South Africa had "stood beside us in every war we've ever fought," when the South African leadership had been on the other side in the most recent world war. Reagan allowed Alexander Haig to greenlight the Israeli invasion of Lebanon in 1982, fired him when that went too far and led to mayhem in Beirut, then ran away from Lebanon altogether when the Marine barracks were bombed, and then unbelievably accused Tip O'Neill and the Democrats of "scuttling." Reagan sold heavy weapons to the Iranian mullahs and lied about it, saying that all the weapons he hadn't sold them (and hadn't traded for hostages in any case) would, all the same, have fit on a small truck. Reagan then diverted the profits of this criminal trade to an illegal war in Nicaragua and lied unceasingly about that, too. Reagan then modestly let his underlings maintain that he was too dense to understand the connection between the two impeachable crimes. He then switched without any apparent strain to a policy of backing Saddam Hussein against Iran. (If Margaret Thatcher's intelligence services had not bugged Oliver North in London and become infuriated because all European nations were boycotting Iran at Reagan's request, we might still not know about this.)

WASHINGTON: The approval rating of South African President Cyril Ramaphosa is poised to skyrocket after he visited the Oval Office on Wednesday and was subjected to Donald J. Trump acting like a dick.

Ramaphosa, who was struggling with 35 percent approval before Trump's tantrum, should see that rating surge to 75 or higher, experts predict.

Moments after the meeting, Ramaphosa received congratulatory calls from Ukraine's Volodymyr Zelenskyy and Canada's Mark Carney, both of whom saw their fortunes soar thanks to Trump's ------- antics.

After the meeting, Trump took pride in standing up for "the horribly oppressed white South Africans," noting, "These poor farmers can't enjoy white supremacy in their own country, so they have to move here for it."

(The Borowitz Report)

Alright, buckle up buttercup, because we're diving headfirst into the political mosh pit, and let me tell you, it ain't pretty. We're talking about that glorious, shambolic institution we lovingly (and sometimes less than lovingly) call the GOP. Now, they've been flogging this line about Donald Trump being the savior, the only guy with the guts to finally, *finally* punch the "establishment" square in its pasty, moderate face. It's been their mantra for, what, a decade now? Ten years of MAGA-splaining, where every dipstick with a red hat will tell you the same tired fairy tale. Before Trump, they moan, the Republican Party was overrun by a bunch of pantywaist, country club types, all talk and no trousers. They *said* they'd cut taxes, dismantle Obamacare, and whip those welfare slackers into shape. But when push came to shove? Zilch. Nada. They were all hat and no cattle, and they reserved their special brand of venom for the actual conservatives trying to rattle the cage.

And then, boom! Along comes The Donald, riding in like a platinum-haired, golden-escalator-descending Valkyrie, ready to "fight." He was the corrective measure, they say. The one to fix all the "failures." Well, color me unimpressed. This whole narrative? It always smelled fishier than week-old mahi-mahi, and now? It's a full-blown comedy. Because guess what? Trump and his crew have turned out to be exactly the same as the so-called "establishment" they claimed to despise. Old Donnie promised to balance the budget, for crying out loud! Said he'd do what hadn't been done in 24 years. Two months later? He's throwing money around like a drunken sailor on shore leave, blowing up the deficit, and attacking any Republican who dares suggest a hint of fiscal responsibility.

Honestly, it's like watching your grandpa put on your dad's old leather jacket and trying to convince you he's now a rebellious biker. He's still your grandpa, and he's still wearing plaid pants under that leather. You can dress it up, but it's still the same song and dance. Politics is not some newfangled invention. Coalitions? They need wrangling. Electoral math? It's as constant as gravity, and it doesn't change just because some reality TV star decided to run for president. So, save me the sermons about Trump being "different." He's just another guy playing the same game, and frankly, he's not playing it any better.

Neil Diamond. Another Jew dividing 'Murica. Good call, Jeff. Any real Patriot understands. Them Commie lovin' Libs are a hindrance to real 'Murican values.