Happy Easter to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting and scheming so hard to bring Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, the Mentally Insane, and well known MS-13 Gang Members and Wife Beaters, back into our Country. Happy Easter also to the WEAK and INEFFECTIVE Judges and Law Enforcement Officials who are allowing this sinister attack on our Nation to continue, an attack so violent that it will never be forgotten!"

"Sleepy Joe Biden purposefully allowed Millions of CRIMINALS to enter our Country, totally unvetted and unchecked, through an Open Borders Policy that will go down in history as the single most calamitous act ever perpetrated upon America. He was, by far, our WORST and most Incompetent President, a man who had absolutely no idea what he was doing " But to him, and to the person that ran and manipulated the Auto Pen (perhaps our REAL President!), and to all of the people who CHEATED in the 2020 Presidential Election in order to get this highly destructive Moron Elected, I wish you, with great love, sincerity, and affection, a very Happy Easter!!!"

#1 | Posted by reinheitsgebot

Great post, hitla! effin epic!

I have a related to share. It's not really a joke; it's a funny story. It isn't set on Easter, but on the day before. Please excuse the formatting, indents are stripped out on this board.

I went on Saturday afternoon to my local 50501 protest. The weather was awful, raining and thunder off-and-on the whole time.
I arrived early, wearing my awesome rainbow tie-dye shirt, and parked my sweet Ram Cummings diesel in a convenient but inconspicuous spot. I had covered the "Trump was right" bumper-stickers with "Kamala/Harris stickers that were affixed to magnetic strips from some old "Student Driver" signs. The bus arrived, and I selected my sign- "Protect Trans Kids" from the supply they brought in the bus.
I worked the crowd for a while, meeting people, talking and smoking and just having fun. Directly I found what I had come there for- a cute little twink with a rainbow on his shirt.
"Hey man! How's it going!" I greeted him. His blond hair flipped as he turned his head.
"Oh, sorry" I said, as he locked eyes with me. "I thought you were somebody else!"
"Who did you think I was?" He asked
"I thought you were my friend Corky" I answered.
...

cont'd

I hung out with my new friend for a while, waving my sign and chanting, touching Corky on the shoulder occasionally as I talked and joked with him. We were having a great time.
Gradually, I maneuvered us to the edge of the crowd, near to where I had parked my sweet Ram Cummings diesel truck.
We were pretty stoned, and stoked from the excitement of the protest, even though it was mostly boomer women wearing raincoats, their faces obscured by masks and oversize sunglasses. The old women had been giving us the stink-eye for smoking, and we were glad to move off a ways.
"Hey, Corky, are you getting thirsty?" I asked him. He didn't seem to mind that I had continued to address him as Corky.
"Yes" he replied
"Let's go to my truck then, I have some beers in it, and a bottle of Jagermeister" I said.
"All right!" Said my new friend, and we walked the rest of the way to my truck.
...

cont'd

"Whoa!" Corky said as we neared my sweet Ram Cummings diesel truck. "Is this your truck!" He exclaimed.
"Yeah, this is it" I said.
I opened the door, and Corky began to climb in the truck. He lost momentum before gaining the seat- he was just a little feller- and started falling backwards. I caught him by the rear, and boosted him up. He perked into the seat and turned his head to me, blushing, his fine blond hair moving in a tantalizing wave. I was instant diamonds. I closed his door and moved stiffly to the driver's side of my sweet Ram Cummings diesel truck. I climbed in, despite my stiff condition.

...

cont'd

"Let's play some music!" I said, when we were safely in my sweet Ram Cummings diesel truck I cued up some Sonic Treat on the stereo. I turned the volume up on the Sonic Treat Full Concert video mp3, and we were bathed in surreal sounds, behind the heavy tint glass, comfortably relaxed. I produced two Heinekens from the Yeti cooler in the back seat, and a pint of Jagermeister from the melting ice in the Yeti cooler. Corky began squirming and fished from his tight pocket a round glass pipe, and a small baggie of coarse white powder.
"You like meth?" Corky asked.
"Not really" I answered. "But you go right ahead. It's all good!"
Corky loaded up his bubble and took a quick hit, his cheeks flushing. My arousal intensified.

...

cont'd

As Corky entered his fever-dream meth world, I gently took the back of his head in my hand, and steered him towards me. I began to nuzzle his downy cheek, his supple neck. Corky let out a low vibrato moan. He slumped over into my lap and began to nuzzle my overalls, now stretched tight. I let down the bib of my overalls, and Corky went to work.

...

cont'd

Afterwards, I fastened my overalls, opened the door, and jumped down from my sweet Ram Cummings diesel truck.
"just a second" I said.
Corky smiled and nodded sleepily, his mouth wet.
I went around the truck, urinated, and removed the "Kamala/Harris" bumper-stickers, throwing them into the bed of the truck. I climbed back in, and started the Cummings diesel engine, in a puff of black smoke.
I left the engine cold and floored the throttle, emitting a seemingly solid cloud of black smoke. I shifted the transmission into low, and the tires began to spin and whine on the wet pavement, beginning to smoke.
"Check this out" I said to Corky.
I fishtailed my sweet Ram Cummings diesel truck across the parking lot, upwind of the protesters. The protesters scurried around, their signs bobbing hilariously as they tried to escape the smoke. I stopped by the road, reached across, opened Corky's door and pushed him out in front of the enraged crowd, then sped off. I looked back, and the protesters surrounded Corky and began beating him with their signs.

Merry ------ Easter!

It seems to be yet another alias that tries to disrupt rather than contribute.

Oh well.

#14 | Posted by LampLighter

-Really? Really? I worked very hard on this, and posted it in a frivolous dead thread.
Say fanks!

It's "Cummins", you idiot.

#16
oops. yeah I drive a subaru...

Thanks for reading, my fellow night-wanderers, it means a lot to me. No hard feelings Corky!
I hope you are all well and happy.

OK here-
The people who actually drive them say "Cummings" because illeterate ...

@#19 ... TorqueFlite HD eight-speed automatic transmission. ...

I had a TorqueFlite automatic transmission in the late 1960's Plymouth I once owned.

That transmission died and had to be replaced around only 150,000 miles.

#20 | Posted by LampLighter

- You had a different TorqueFlite. 150K is great for then.

#24
So, now, is your current alias trying to deflect to call "illiterate" those good people who have purchased that vehicle?

-...uh... yeah?

I have drank literally everything in the barn maybe some premix margaritas still in the house.

#28 | Posted by LampLighter

TorqueFlite (also seen as Torqueflite) is the trademarked name of Chrysler Corporation's automatic transmissions, starting with the three-speed unit introduced late in the 1956 model year as a successor to Chrysler's two-speed PowerFlite.

you probably had a Torqueflite 901. I had one of those in my 70 barracuda (318). there was also the Torqueflite 727, for your big blocks.
The Torqueflite 8-speed is totally different era.

...383 and 440 I think came with the 727, and bigger torsion bars in front suspension. use the torsion bars from a station wagon to do your big block swap.

wait 426 hemi too, the 727 transmission.

#33
Actually the 8speed is Stellantis, not Dodge at all.

Chrysler acquired Dodge in 1981 and kept their most popular models, including RAM pickup trucks. From 1981 to 2009, their pickup trucks were named "Dodge RAM,". After 2009, RAM trucks became its own brand.

After 2009, RAM trucks became its own brand.

Their TorqueFlite 8 speed automatic transmission, introduced in 2012, currently exists in select Dodge, Chrysler, Jeep and Ram models.

The Chrysler Torqueflite 727 was introduced in 1962 as the replacement to the A-488. For three decades, it was Mopar's flagship automatic transmission.

-There you go being difficult again!

Peter to the maitre d at the restaurant as they arrived for the Last Supper:
"I'd like a table for 26"
"Yes sir. Will more guests be joining?" said the maitre d.
"No, we need to sit on the same side of the table for the picture"

Jesus while going over the tab:
"Who ordered wine?!"
(facepalm)