Federal Convict Angrily Refuses Trumpf Pardon

When 59-year-old convicted bank robber Richard James Verone was told Dotard Trumpf was granting him a pardon, he became indignant and belligerent.

"Dadgummmit, I don't want a pardon. I robbed that bank so I can get into federal prison and now that --------- is ruining my plans. In here I get three square meals a day and free health care. Well, I ain't going. I ain't gonna go and you can tell him that for me."

Readers will recall that North Carolina native Richard James Verone robbed a bank for $1 in order to receive free medical care once he was imprisoned.

Unarmed, Verone asked the teller for $1 to show that his motives were medical, not monetary, and he sat down and waited for the police at the bank. With a growth in his chest, two ruptured disks and no job, Verone hoped a three-year stint in prison would afford him the health care he needed. He didn't anticipate the Dotard would wreak his medical coverage plan.

With a nod to the Borowitz Report.