*** Financial Chicanery to Pay Our Soldiers ***

The Trumpf junta plans to launder a $130 million donation from an anonymous ally of Dummkopf Trumpf toward paying military service members during the Republican Party's government shutdown, the Defense Department confirmed.

"The donation was made on the condition that it be used to offset the cost of Service members' salaries and benefits," bleated chief Pentagon spokesman Sean Parnell, adding that the money was accepted under the department's "general gift acceptance authority."

The move marks a striking departure from government procedure for funding the military, which traditionally relies on public funds appropriated by Congress.