WASHINGTON: In what is being called a historic performance, on Tuesday night Donald J. Trump set a new world record for delivering the longest speech that did not include a single fact.

Congressional Republicans were awestruck by their leader's ability, at the age of 78, to give such a sustained fact-free oration.

"To stand up there for 99 minutes and not accidentally slip up even once by saying something true?" House Speaker Mike Johnson said. "He's still got it."

Republicans contrasted Trump's address favorably with the Democratic response of Sen. Elissa Slotkin, who spoke only briefly but whose remarks were riddled with facts.

-The Borowitz Report

Yeah, all that cash to boost people's self-esteem is a total waste of $$$. Let'em go to therapy and get prescribed happy pills. That's the way lobbyists like it.

They're going to privatize everything. This is what happens when a group of assets liquidating robber barons get elected.

Canada generates 1/5th of its GDP by selling into the US

Mexico generates more than 1/3rd of its GDP by selling into the US

The US generates just 1/50th its GDP selling into both

Trade wars hurt everyone but Trump "has the cards" and he knows it

This will increase consumer prices, no doubt. But it has the potential to drive both Mexico and Canada into a depression which is why they are panicking. Trump intends to use this to negotiate border security and to bolster domestic industry.

Will it work? TBD

But don't let people lie about who has the leverage here. The US economy is the golden goose and the whole world knows it.

This is partly the Dems fault. They put up perhaps the worst presidential candidate of all time. Handing the election to Trump. Thanks Dems.

And thanks Republicans for not picking a better Republican candidate for president. Both sides flunk.

That's the five things I did last week.

Found my coat and grabbed my hat

And looking up, I noticed I was late

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup

Dragged a comb across my head

Woke up, fell out of bed

69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just saw an ad for roast beef.

Which reminds me...

Also, Marco Rubio is now the least consequential SoS in the history of this country.

Beggers can't be choosers.

That said, all Z had to do was say Trump is the smartest and prettiest and he would've got something out of it.

'I think Trump may be one of those figures in history who appears from time to time to mark the end of an era and to force it to give up its old pretences.

-Hank Kissinger

If your time to you is worth savin'
And you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'

that's why she is the hall mom of drudge.

If she is, what's Jeffy going to do now?

69!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's a relief

Americans and Republicans, remember: You asked for this. Given the choice between a dozen solid conservatives and one Clinton-supporting con artist and game-show host, you chose the con artist. You chose him freely. Nobody made you do it.

Trump's approach was reminiscent of the Sopranos.

Yeah T', it's me. It don't look good for our friend that stripper from Ukraine. Might have to send our laundry elsewhere. A word to the wise...remember Pearl Harbor.

Trump will partner with the Russians to "control and protect" Europe. Russians will have bases in Berlin and Paris like it was 1814.

Click on the link to evade paywall

They knew that pet dog was trouble the minute they got him, just didn't know he was capable of murder suicide.

Remider to be sure to check your carbon monoxide detector.