"It will be the strangest Victory Day of the Putin era," exiled Russian journalist Dmitry Kolezev remarked in a recent podcast.

"For the first time since 2007, when " under Putin " the parade began incorporating military hardware, there will be no tanks or missile launchers rolling through Red Square.

Instead of Soviet-style military flexing, Muscovites are being treated to a different historical reenactment, namely a return to the pre-digital age.

Text messages and mobile internet have been shut down as authorities brace for possible Ukrainian drone attacks, disrupting everything from taxis and food delivery to ATMs and contactless payments.

In some 27 Russian cities, parades have been canceled altogether."

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He's got at least 4 documented doubles, he's been in hiding for a while, and any Russian Oligarch with an extra million could pay a top FSO Officer to off him.