WASHINGTON: As TV cameras were brought in for a White House meeting on Monday, a vicious battle erupted between Jeanine Pirro and Pete Hegseth over an eyebrow pencil.

According to a witness, Hegseth was in the process of doing "a little touch up" when Pirro brazenly swiped the pencil out of his hand.

A no-holds-barred wrestling match between the two former Fox hosts ensued, resulting in the pencil tumbling to the carpet and being pocketed by JD Vance.

Reportedly, Hegseth was philosophical about losing the pencil since Pirro failed to abscond with the three minibar whiskeys hidden in his pants.

(The Borowitz Report)

Trump is what would happen if Dunning and Kruger had a baby and then dropped it on its head.

never has a bigger ------- imbecile been more serenely convinced of his own genius. blissfully unaware that he is a hall-of-fame-level dumb-ass, Donny coasts through life on the belief that solving the world's problems is a piece of cake.

which is why it's super hilarious to learn that, as Donny's having dinner with cronies at his Florida golf motel, he's whining to them about how hard presidenting is.