First American Pope | Drudge Retort

Thursday, May 08, 2025

White smoke billowed from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel in Rome on Thursday afternoon, indicating the 133 cardinals locked inside had elected a successor to Pope Francis.

Posted by Sycophant at 01:26 PM | 64 COMMENTS | permalink

BREAKING: White smoke pours from the Sistine Chapel chimney, signalling a pope has been elected to lead the Catholic Church.[image or embed]
" The Associated Press (@apnews.com) May 8, 2025 at 12:14 PM

Comments

I will not acknowledge any new Pope! The conclave is illegitimate ever since they abandoned the swimsuit competition!

#1 | Posted by RevDarko at 2025-05-08 12:27 PM

The conclave is illegitimate ever since they abandoned the swimsuit competition!

#1 | Posted by RevDarko

You do remember Trump threw his hate into the Pope ring, right?

Trump in a mankini dancing around stage. Think about that for a second.

#2 | Posted by Sycophant at 2025-05-08 12:45 PM

It's no worse, really, then when he fellated his microphone.

#3 | Posted by RevDarko at 2025-05-08 12:47 PM

That was fast. Hopefully it's a fascist pope who sides with Russia and Trump!

#4 | Posted by snoofy at 2025-05-08 12:49 PM

Too bad the process was quick and couldn't be delayed until 14 June.

#5 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 12:53 PM

If there is a (funny) God in heaven, it will be Cardinal PizzaBalla

#6 | Posted by censored at 2025-05-08 12:53 PM

The world's biggest book club got a new president!

#7 | Posted by ClownShack at 2025-05-08 01:12 PM

------------, say your prayers!
"Hail, Mary, full of grace..." - smack the bitch in the face
Take her Gucci bag and her North Face

#8 | Posted by ClownShack at 2025-05-08 01:14 PM

The average Conclave, at least for the last three or four Popes, has been two-days or so. The shortest Conclave was 10-hours in 1503. The longest was just short of three-years in 1268, after which was when then started locking the Cardinals in St. Peters so that they were motivated to be a bit more expeditious.

The new Pope is an American, Cardinal Robert F. Prevost, from Chicago.

OCU

#9 | Posted by OCUser at 2025-05-08 01:16 PM

The new Pope will be known as Pope Leo XIV.

OCU

#10 | Posted by OCUser at 2025-05-08 01:26 PM

He sounds like a great pick. Described as a multilingual missionary priest who worked with the poor.

#11 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY at 2025-05-08 01:33 PM

Phew for a second I though it might be Dolan.

Let's hope the new one is way more like Francis than like Benedict.

There will be a lot of drunk priests tonight, hide your alter boys.

#12 | Posted by qcp at 2025-05-08 01:35 PM

Pope On A Rope - The Meatmen

#13 | Posted by qcp at 2025-05-08 01:38 PM

He was born and raised in the US but is a citizen of Peru since 2015.

#14 | Posted by Miranda7 at 2025-05-08 01:41 PM

While Pope Leo XIV is an American from Chicago, and he attended the seminary in Chicago, he was ordained in Rome and until 2023, when he was made a Cardinal and was brought to Rome by Pope Francis, he had been serving virtually all of his liturgical career in Peru, where he became a naturalized citizen in 2015.

OCU

#15 | Posted by OCUser at 2025-05-08 01:43 PM

The College of Cardinals must have wanted an American counterweight to Trumpf and hence this historic appointment. The new Pope survived some previous controversies.

Source:

infovaticana.com

#16 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 01:49 PM

Cardinal Prevost never investigated abuse claims, alleged victims say

#17 | Posted by qcp at 2025-05-08 01:56 PM

The College of Cardinals must have wanted an American counterweight to Trumpf and hence this historic appointment. The new Pope survived some previous controversies.
Source:
infovaticana.com

#16 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS

He is progressive like the old Pope on social issues but Conservative on Church Doctrine. So he is kind of the perfect fit to replace the old Pope.

#18 | Posted by Sycophant at 2025-05-08 02:00 PM

#18 perfect if you want the church to continue to collapse.
crisismagazine.com

#19 | Posted by oneironaut at 2025-05-08 02:05 PM

from Chicago

Allright, you monkeys. Gimme a deep dish and don't say nuttin during Cubs games, Capeesh? Dats right.

#20 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2025-05-08 02:06 PM

#18: Thank you, Sycophant. I hope the new pope becomes a sharp pebble in one of Trumpf's shoes.

#21 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 02:09 PM

#19

Aahh, Godless Chinee chime in about Christianity. Soggy rice no taste nice.

#22 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2025-05-08 02:10 PM

At least it wasn't the American Cardinal Burke, the Certified Trumper.

I don't know much about this guy, but sounds like they could have made a much worse choice.

#23 | Posted by Corky at 2025-05-08 02:11 PM

"#18 perfect if you want the church to continue to collapse."

Says the guy who wants America to collapse...

#24 | Posted by snoofy at 2025-05-08 02:13 PM

Toast him with an Old Style...

#25 | Posted by catdog at 2025-05-08 02:27 PM

This new Pope wasn't even on the betting odds radar... will be interesting to learn why they picked him.

www.usatoday.com

His odds were almost as bad as those for 1NutBars to make a cogent post.

#26 | Posted by Corky at 2025-05-08 02:31 PM

Aren't the Uber-Conservatives on the Supreme Court Catholic?

I mean other than Amy Cummy Barrett who is part of some Evangelical cult along the lines of "Mother of God" or something similar where Women exist to serve their Husbands, the usual Judeo-Christan-Muslim nonsense.

#27 | Posted by snoofy at 2025-05-08 02:40 PM

2 posts before trump appears.

you box nosed, puke smelling bozos are so predictable.

but when you've got no other redeeming value I guess it makes sense.

--an american pope.....well la di da...

I think I saw that movie.

it was with either sophia loren or raquel welch.

#28 | Posted by shrimptacodan at 2025-05-08 02:41 PM

I approve! (A sigh of relief throughout the room.). Church does seem to be attempting to move in a good general direction. But does he get to wear the ruby slippers?

#29 | Posted by moder8 at 2025-05-08 02:42 PM

"2 posts before trump appears."

Trump elbowed his way into this topic a week ago, dumbass.

#30 | Posted by snoofy at 2025-05-08 02:44 PM

#27 | Posted by snoofy

I'm surprised you can spell her name but I don't know why you're knocking her.

maybe it's because you haven't seen a women since corky has..

she's voted with the leftist psychopathic psychotic sociopath nutcase coukoo

nutjob liberals enough for her to be shown with ms-13 tats on her.

sounds like your kind of 'people'

#31 | Posted by shrimptacodan at 2025-05-08 02:48 PM

I wonder when we'll find out if this Pope is actually Catholic

#32 | Posted by THEBULL at 2025-05-08 02:49 PM

From Chicago?

Daaaaaaaaa Pope!

#33 | Posted by RevDarko at 2025-05-08 02:50 PM

#27: Hi Snoofy: Some of the so-called SCOTUS 'justices' have ties to or are members of Opus Dei. Here are two sources, but there are others:

churchandstate.org.uk

rollingstone.com

#34 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 02:50 PM

Trump elbowed his way into this topic a week ago, dumbass.

#30 | Posted by snoofy a

oh dear me..

I thought we talked about you watching the fat fx on the

view with your pants down.....

#35 | Posted by shrimptacodan at 2025-05-08 02:50 PM

So did they swing back towards more conservative, fire and brimstone type Catholicism?

#36 | Posted by jpw at 2025-05-08 02:52 PM

I agree with what was said above: Catholicism elected an American Pope as a statement on Trump and the soul of current America.

Christian churches, and Pope Francis and Jesus said, are for the sick.

#37 | Posted by Zed at 2025-05-08 02:52 PM

Hi Zed: This papal election influenced because of a superpower reminded me of an excellent novel which the author Morris West said translated into a superior film. I recommend both: i.gr-assets.com

#38 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 03:00 PM

I wonder when we'll find out if this Pope is actually Catholic

#32 | POSTED BY THEBULL

I wonder if we'll find out if you are either bovine or male?

#39 | Posted by Zed at 2025-05-08 03:04 PM

Peru? Like Gustavo Gutierrez?

Strap in, rightwingers.

Any new pope is a boon for my business.

#40 | Posted by Dbt2 at 2025-05-08 03:08 PM

When a Pope selects his pontifical name, it's often to indicate how he wants the Church and the world to see him, that is when you look at the previous Pope who carried that name, in the case of our new Pope, he's telling people to look at what Pope Leo XIII was noted for.

For more on Pope Leo XIII, go to:

en.wikipedia.org

OCU

#41 | Posted by OCUser at 2025-05-08 03:16 PM

That's great! A new Popo!

i.4cdn.org

Here, have a celebratory limited edition gift pic for all the frenemies in DR!
Brace yourself!

#42 | Posted by chiligordo at 2025-05-08 03:26 PM

Any new pope is a boon for my business.

#40 | Posted by Dbt2

?? he's white?

#43 | Posted by chiligordo at 2025-05-08 03:28 PM

43. He's new.

An African pope would have been really good for business.

#44 | Posted by Dbt2 at 2025-05-08 03:44 PM

#41: Thanks, OCU. From Wiki:

In a 1902 meeting with Philippine Governor-General William Howard Taft, Leo XIII refused to allow the United States government to buy land from Catholic friars in the Philippines.

#45 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 03:56 PM

#44
whoosh

#46 | Posted by chiligordo at 2025-05-08 04:01 PM

So much for my plan of being the first American pope.

#47 | Posted by rcade at 2025-05-08 04:01 PM

#40: Indeed, champion of the poor Gustavo Gutierrez passed away six or seven months ago: postbarthian.com

Two other heroes left us just months after Father Gutierrez: POTUS Jimmy Carter and South African former D/NIS Dr. Neil Barnard.

Memento mori

#48 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 04:08 PM

So much for my plan of being the first American pope.

Posted by rcade at 2025-05-08 04:01 PM | Reply

That's all we need. A pope that gives 3 week suspensions per 3 sins in a three week period. No thanks.

#49 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2025-05-08 04:08 PM

#49
LOL Thin ice, Larry. Thin ice.

#50 | Posted by chiligordo at 2025-05-08 04:45 PM

Now magat christians can ignore the teachings of an AMERICAN pope!

#51 | Posted by SpeakSoftly at 2025-05-08 04:59 PM

Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and VD Jance must be so pleased at this news.

#52 | Posted by C0RI0LANUS at 2025-05-08 05:03 PM

WASHINGTON: In a gesture intended to welcome the new pontiff, on Thursday Donald J. Trump offered to sell Pope Leo XIV a $60 Bible.

"You want to grab this deal while you can," Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social. "It's gonna cost a lot more after EU tariffs."

Calling the Trump Bible "a very special Bible," he added, "I know you have a lot of Bibles already at the Vatican, but none of them have parts written by Lee Greenwood."

Meanwhile, in his first official act as pope, Leo ordered a photo of JD Vance posted at the Vatican security desk.

(The Borowitz Report)

#53 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2025-05-08 05:09 PM

The Pope, wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lame gown over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress, accessorized with a three-foot House of Whoville hat and
the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz, on his way to tell us it's wrong to be gay.

#54 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2025-05-08 05:14 PM

Find the Pope in the Pizza

www.reddit.com

#55 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2025-05-08 05:15 PM

"Robert Francis Prevost was born at Mercy Hospital in Chicago on September 14, 1955, the son of Louis Marius Prevost and Mildred Martnez."

Betcha the cardinals elected him as a foil to Trump, who has none of the qualities Christ taught, and is everything Christ said NOT to be.

#56 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY at 2025-05-08 05:26 PM

#54 | Posted by lee_the_agent

Francis refused to wear the ruby slippers or live in the papal palace, choosing instead orthopedic shoes and a simple room in the Vatican guest house. Described as soft spoken and humble, it wouldn't be surprising if Leo does the same.

#57 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY at 2025-05-08 05:28 PM

"Betcha the cardinals elected him as a foil to Trump"

Sure seems that way.
The Catholic Church picked a fight with the American President?
Gonna need some popcorn!

#58 | Posted by snoofy at 2025-05-08 05:31 PM

lee_the_agent

Oh you! I'm tipping my waitress right now.

#59 | Posted by chiligordo at 2025-05-08 05:37 PM

#57

They at least tend to try to live the Way that Jesus taught, which was loving others. And not just family, friends, and neighbors. Loving the immigrants, strangers, foreigners... the poor and sick is as Godly as one can get in both the OT and the New.

Israel was told after their 400 year captivity that they should always remember what it was like to be the slave, the foreigner, the immigrant, and to treat people the don't know as if they did.

This was a well understood 11th Commandment in the OT, and integral to the NT teachings.

Which MAGA has no clue about whatsoever.

#60 | Posted by Corky at 2025-05-08 05:39 PM

no domain squatting?

rcade?

#61 | Posted by Tor at 2025-05-08 05:46 PM

Tor

He may have grabbed up poppaleo.com.

#62 | Posted by Corky at 2025-05-08 05:51 PM

Right-Wingers FURIOUS About NEW POPE.
Loomer ATTACKS "Pam Blondie."

www.youtube.com

live now