Oh look, the "winningest war in history" just discovered it has used up 90-plus percent of the good missiles. High nineties, even. That's not a stockpile anymore, that's a mall kiosk.

Trump launched this thing in February like a guy who just found a half-empty bottle of cheap hootch and decided it was champagne night. Now the cupboard's bare, the factories are still ramping up, and the only thing left is the ceremonial "we're making more than ever" press conference while Pete Hegseth stares blankly at an empty shelf and pretends it's full of invisible munitions.

Republicans, remember: you asked for the tangerine narcoleptic diaper filler short-fingered vulgarian who treats national security like a late-night informercial barker. "But wait, there's more!"

Except there isn't. Just the sound of the last Tomahawk whistling into the void and a memo that says "please send thoughts and prayers, and also more billions."

Next up: the Pentagon announces a new initiative to hurl empty shipping crates and strongly worded tweets. That should hold China and Russia for at least fifteen seconds.